WE ARE HEROES

Things I learned from TV.

All Asians look like John Cho.

Asians know everything. Seriously, everything. And they can probably fly in secret and they just don’t tell us.

If an Asian person tells you to do something, for the love of god, do it. NEVER cross them.

Black people are all hard. Every one. They’re hard as fuck. You can’t break them with a hammer.

Despite being really hard, black people tend to die very easily and repeatedly.

Despite black people dying really easily, cops still need to shoot them and/or taze them and/or tackle them in large groups to the floor.

Attractive white men will rarely suspect suspicious attractive white women. The only people who will are black or latino people and other attractive white women.

God is black, but only a tame kind of black.

All black people look alike.

White women are very delicate and special.

Despite white women being very delicate and special, they often seem to live through entire shows.

Despite white women having higher survival rates than probably anyone else, everyone falls over themselves to protect them, almost as if they are in danger.

Black people know all other black people. All of them. Seriously every single one.

Most Latinos just look like white people.

The ones that don’t are very, very HARRRRRRD.

Muslims and Middle Easterners who aren’t completely Americanized down to the tiniest degree are barbaric and horrific. But at least you can count on your Americanized ones to side with white people on just how barbaric they are.

Brown people love the shit out of arranged marriage. In fact, they are all arranged married. Even ones who have lived in America for several generations. Or sometimes they play a doctor (who just isn’t arranged married yet).

Darker-skinned black people all come from the skreets. Suburban upper or middle class black people are all light skinned. Very light skinned.

Non-white trans women only hold two jobs; prostitute and casualty of prostitution.

Lesbians are all white.

If a trans woman isn’t a prostitute, she’s definitely white.

Trans men are also all white.

Gay men are mostly white except for black guys who share their massive black dicks.

The few massive-black-dick-sharing gay guys are all on the down-low.

There may be a few secret queer Latinos.

Gay Asians don’t exist. Gay Indigenous definitely don’t exist.

Indigenous people are werewolves, or they teach white people lots of things and send them on spirit journeys and stuff using magical native potions. Also spirit animals.

Despite PoC having so much magic and giving white people so much education, they always need to be saved by white people in the end. What the heck are they using all this magical education for????